pillow talk

3:01 p.m., January 24, 2004

"Yo, she-bitch. Let's go."
--Ash

How To Be A Guy
(from the handbook of Ash from "Army of Darkness")

1. Be nice to a woman one minute and treat her rudely the next. Whenever you're being nice, she'll consider herself lucky and forget about the other times.

2. Before and during sex, tell her you love her and she's beautiful. Chicks dig that stuff.

3. Afterwards, clam up. If she starts getting clingy, treat her like she's naive for becoming attached.

4.(a) If she happens to conveniently die, do some brave and crazy posturing in her name. (b) If she lives, leave her to pursue your destiny, and then tell tragic stories about her.

5. With any luck, some other chick will be impressed by your devotion. Repeat process.

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